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Archive for April, 2009

After receiving extremely prudent advice to “slooooooow down” from an experienced in vitro dad, I decided that I’d take today off, rather than jamming sperm pick-up and ovulation monitoring between meetings. Then proceeded to put 50 miles on my car driving all over town, alternately searching for snacks, bathrooms, and gas. I’m calling it a Prelude to Errands With Mommy.

So with baby (well… technically, either not baby or over 20M could-be babies) secured in the trunk, off we went for fortification.

gametes on board

gametes on board

Blood sugar bells were ringing, setting off Rube Goldberg-style neuroses: “hungry! fertility damage! stress! fertility damage! hurry!”

Trader Joe’s carrot juice and two bananas later, we’re driving placidly up into the hills to admire Extreme Wealth, Spring, and Bay Views, all rolled up into one.

other people's views

other people's views

Come on, Baby(ies), here are the houses we will never live in! Gardeners in every yard… let’s slurp up the vista and be glad we don’t have to juggle so many service providers!

Next we descend to earth and into a graveyard to contemplate Death – a consequence of my not really navigating and trying to stem the tide of where-are-we-going and should-I-turn-here stress.

all things go

all things go

Deciding this is also a novel and interesting way to spend a forced holiday, we linger, rolling along at 5 mph, hanging out the window like Disney roller coaster captives jolting slowly past the pirates. No pirates, but ample evidence that a proper burial and headstone only delay degredation and decay. I’m tempted to fetch some of the gardeners obsessively tending perfect yards up the hill and offer them a more rewarding post – they could feel a sense of accomplishment resetting fallen tombstones, but we press ever onward…

what are they building in there?

uh oh, a storm is gathering

So we end up – not by accident – at the infamous Mormon monument because I had never gotten around to seeing it as anything but a distant glowing orb and I was curious. It’s a fortress in person, surrounded by eerily cheerful, name-tagged clones.

I parked, sneaking a glance at the kids (whose only requirement so far is to be kept upright), and ventured bravely inside the Visitor’s Center. I actually went in there twice, first to use the bathroom, then to test the greeter’s persistent grin and push my own limits. I temporarily forgot about the stress/passionate discontent minimization task. Stumbled upon these guys:

note: none of these things is unlike the other

none of these things is unlike the other

Who clearly have a lot in common. Compare this with a wall of any 12 Unitarian Universalist leaders, any 12 Safeway shoppers, any 12 of my friends, and a much more diverse picture emerges. I noticed about 30 translations of their Joe Smith-authored treatise, but this lens into the leadership is hard to ignore. I found myself wondering what the young Asian woman beaming at me freakishly from around every corner (their version of tracking a potential terrorist, no doubt) saw in this narrow view of divinity. But I allowed that vague discomfort to lurk peripherally and nearly got away unscathed, until this:

Aryan union before Disney's magic castle

Aryan union before Disney's magic castle

I don’t like horror movies. I cover my eyes and writhe, inevitably peeking at just the wrong moment… like my best friend at 5 who stumbled into a room full of stoned adults watching The Exorcist as the girl’s head spun around diabolically. She reacted by vomiting on her parents. Served them right, but hey, how’s that for realism? Anyway, I was in that moment when a doe-eyed vapid clone came up to ask me if I wanted a print-out of the sanctimonious wall posting. * insert what you would have said * because I was too sad. Said I completely disagreed, that I’d had enough, went back to rescue my millions of frozen unborn, and called my Mom, who reminded me that I wasn’t supposed to do anything Upsetting today.

So now I’m home playing with my speculum again and waiting for the Magic Woo Woo fairies to make it okay to defrost the kids, now fortified with vitamins Conspicuous Excess, Death, Religion, and Intolerance. And I’ll make sure they know I have shiny shields against a few of those, so I think we’ll be okay.

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back in the saddle

Another ovulation passed… as did this whirlwind month. So I’m back, taking the vitamins again, investing in real groceries again. It’s dawning on me that I might have needed a little vacation from this topic. Maybe that’s an important ingredient in this overall journey… don’t be afraid to put it down and go do something else for a while.

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